Muryoku Ninjatai Patchaman
by Sanrii
Summary: After being tricked into going to Earth, the Patchamen realize they have been deceived by Bloom, and declare to combat her for the sake of justice! What will go wrong? A better question is what won't go wrong.
1. Patchamen Versus Traffic Code

**Preface: I wasn't planning on posting this until my other story, "Son of Eraklyon" was finished, but I don't want to rush it and mess up while I'm so busy. So instead, I'll just put this silly thing up. Beware, there be obscure references in this fanfic! Rated T to be safe for future updates.  
**

* * *

_Go away! Go away! Go away!_

_Oh God, please stay away don't try to save the day,_

_It's those idiots again, Patchaman!_

_Please stay far back, we really do not want your help,_

_We already have a science ninja team,_

_Shove off, shove off, shove off, Patchaman!_

_Get lost, get lost, get lost, Patchaman!_

_There are lots of other realms, there are lots of other realms,_

_Ohhh, Patchaman, Patchaman!_

_Please stay far back, we really do not want your help,_

_We already have a science ninja team,_

_Shove off, shove off, shove off, Patchaman!_

_Get lost! get lost, get lost, Patchaman!_

_There are lots of other realms, there are lots of other realms,_

_Ohhh, Patchaman, Patchaman!_

* * *

In the heart of downtown Gardenia, on an otherwise normal day, a loud roar could be heard from the descent of a large, sleek space ship. Several people came around from the many nearby high-rise buildings to watch the touchdown of the impressive vessel. When the ship had successfully landed - in the middle of the busiest street no less, blocking all of the traffic - the craft opened from the top, and five... humanoids jumped out of the ship. A man with long hair, a man with... shorter hair, a child, a woman, and a... medieval knight-robot?

"My allies! We have arrived on Earth! The realm in peril!" The man with long hair said enthusiastically.

"This place looks rather peaceful for a realm fighting an intergalactic menace..." the shorter haired man said.

"Worry not people of Earth! We have come to save you!" The young woman in the team added. The crowd could only look on the group in confusion.

"Um... who are you?" asked one of the onlookers. A glint of light came off of the eye of the long-haired man standing in the middle of the team.

"We are..." the long haired man began, "Ben the justice-man!" He raised his arms in a V-shape.

"Bo, the mysterious anti-hero!" The man with shorter hair said, crossing his arms, as he put a feather in between his teeth.

"Jinpee, the smartest kid ever!" the child added, also striking a triumphant pose.

"Junko, the princess of beauty!" the woman said, as she blew a kiss to the crowd.

"And Kyu! The mighty one!" the medieval robot-knight thing said as he rested his hands on his hips.

"Together, we are..." Ben started.

"The Science Ninja Team, Patchaman!" The five of them yelled out as a group. They held their poses breathlessly - minus Kyu of course - and looked onto the group of people who had gathered to see who they were. All that could be seen on the faces of the people were faces of complete disbelief and shock. Various murmuring could be heard within the crowd, much of which was not very flattering to a team of science-ninja hawks from outer space. Car horns were also constantly blaring, desperately hoping the ship would miraculously move out of the way.

"We already have a science ninja team!" A voice in the crowd yelled out.

"Eh?" Ben said, blushing furiously. The embarrassment felt by him was shared amongst his teammates, even Kyu. "We were sent here to save you from an intergalactic menace..."

"Oh, just one of those huh?" A crowd member asked sarcastically.

"Aren't they a bit colourful for ninjas?" a woman in the crowd asked.

"Oh no, all real ninjas are very colourful," a teenage boy answered. "Even better if they wear stupid helmets like these guys do."

"Oh, we're in no trouble whatsoever," another woman added.

"What do you mean?" Bo asked, as the feather fell out of his mouth. He barely caught it before it touched the ground.

"We've had no intergalactic menaces around here recently," an old man at the front of the crowd said.

"Really?" Junko asked, heavy disappointment in her voice.

"Yes really," the old man responded as he stroked his chin. "We had some trouble in the seventies... But that was a long time ago."

"Then what are we doing here?" Jinpee asked. He looked over to Ben, their leader. The man was furious.

"That little red-headed fairy... tricked us!" Ben exclaimed. He raised his clenched fists into the air and screamed loudly. By this point the crowd began to back away from the clearly insane team slowly, before running away, leaving the five and their spaceship alone in the middle of the road. "It all makes sense!"

"What makes sense Ben?" asked Kyu.

"That girl must be aligned with the forces of evil!" Ben deduced. "She sent us here!"

"But Prince Sky told us about the invasion too," Junko said, scratching her head.

"The fairy must have put a spell on him!" Bo added, agreeing with his leader.

"That's right!" Ben said, raising a clenched fist into the air. "She must have put a charm spell on Sky! It's why he broke the fair Diaspro's heart!" The other members of the Patchamen gasped at his accusation, except for Kyu, who did not breathe.

"What was her name though?" Jinpee asked. A car had driven up over the sidewalk next to the ship and was still stopped in its tracks by the road hog.

"I think it was Blum? Blodwyn maybe?" Bo said, scratching his head, despite the fact that he was wearing a helmet. "Or it could have been-" he was cut off by the blaring horn of a car next to the spaceship.

"C'mon, I gotta get to work! Not all of us can afford spaceships!" yelled a man who leaned out of the side-window of the car, shaking a fist. Bo glared at the man, before throwing his feather at the roof of the car. The quill of the feather slammed into the car roof, shattering the windshield, and tearing the hood clean off. "I don't remember buying a convertible!" The man cried out before he ran away from his ruined car, in fear for his life. Bo immediately put a different feather into his mouth.

"I think the girl's name was Bloom," Jinpee said. "I've looked her up over the realm wide web, she's a student at Alfea."

"Good work Jinpee!" Junko said, patting Jinpee on the head. "It's possible she's at Alfea to prevent others from discovering her evil nature!"

"So, what can we do about this?" Kyu asked.

"We go to Magix and confront the fairy! We can only hope she hasn't destroyed the entire realm yet," Ben said, hanging his head somberly. He lifted it back up to look at the concerned faces of his teammates. There was a sparkle of hope in his eyes that lifted the spirits of his allies. "Now my allies, we must rush to the aid of Magix! The true realm in peril! We must board the God-Rooster!" Upon saying God-Rooster, he gestured at the spaceship they had arrived in. The five jumped into the still open hatch on top of the ship.

When the hatch closed, the ship began to lift off of the ground, before shooting off into space once again. Their destination? Magix. Their mission? Stop the evil Bloom from taking over the Magical dimension. They are... Kagaku Ninjatai Patchaman (Science Ninja Team Patchaman)! Or P-Force: Guardians of The Magical Universe works too, if you watched the sucky dubbed version.

* * *

**"Author's" Notes:**

And so ends the first chapter. It's short, but I wanted to do something more light-hearted. I wrote this story as sort of a love letter to a favourite anime of mine, Science Ninja Team Gatchaman, who the Patchaman team were based off of. Even down to having rhyming names! Keeping this reference intact is just another reason to love the Rai Dub of Winx. When writing Son of Eraklyon, the episode Battle on Eraklyon was one I had to watch to get some "research" done, and these guys showed up, and they were absolutely amazing. At the end of the episode, they were sent to Earth, and haven't been seen since then. I always wondered what the hell happened to them, so I wrote this.

The title translates into "Incompetent Ninja Team Patchaman". And the menace in the 70s the old man mentions is Berg Katse, who was the villain in Gatchaman. Also I think Patchamen is spelled wrong on the site listings, because Gatchaman has a "t" in it.

The song at the beginning of the story is written to the theme of the Gatchaman theme song. Listen to it while reading it and it will fit together somewhat.

I hope you all liked the start of this story, please leave your thoughts, comments and criticisms in the reviews so I can improve! :D


	2. Patchamen Versus Series Canon

Yay, second chapter!

* * *

Last time on Kagaku Ninjatai Patchaman! The Patchamen had managed to make their way to the realm of Magix, where they will begin their mission against the evil Bloom. Bloom had tricked them into traveling to Earth, in an attempt to prevent the Patchamen from foiling her evil plans. Or at least, that's what the Patchamen believe.

Even in Magix, a fantastical realm of magic and monsters, the people had to look at the ninja twice, questioning their fashion sense. Jinpee had wanted to bring their dog along, but the rest of the team opted to leave him on the ship, considering that without anything belonging to the red-headed girl, the dog would be unable to track her anyway.

"What will we do if we meet Prince Sky?" Junko asked as they walked through the streets of Magix.

"He's probably under a spell," Ben said confidently. "I believe that the evil fairy's magic would be too powerful for us to break. We should try to avoid him entirely, until we take care of Bloom." Bo nodded.

"If worst comes to worst, Bloom may have him entranced enough to make him fight against us," Bo added.

"If we can manage to free him without harming him, I'm sure his parents would be quite impressed," Junko said.

"We should concentrate on finding this Bloom first," Kyu said.

"How could a fairy be so devious?" Ben asked quietly.

"Perhaps she's a witch in fairy's clothing," Kyu said.

"We saw her transform into a fairy, so that can't be true." Ben scratched his helmet.

"I believe her dark influence spell may have been casted on that other girl she was with, as well as the brown-haired specialist," Jinpee said sagely. Junko smiled at the youngest member of their team. He really was the smartest kid ever.

"That could be," Ben said, considering the possibility. He clenched his fist and raised it to the sky. "How many has she spelled to her influence?! How deep can this deceit run?!" People on the streets continuously gave them funny looks, and tried to avoid standing near them. The remaining Patchamen pulled their leader into a side alley, as they pointed across the street. There, they saw Bloom walking along with Aisha, Flora, Musa, Stella, and Tecna, laughing together uproariously.

"No... It can't be!" Bo exclaimed in terror. "She has control over not only Eraklyon's prince, but the princess of Solaria as well!" He stared at Stella in shock and disappointment.

"It's not just Solaria's princess," Jinpee added sadly. "The princess of Andros is there too." He pointed at Aisha.

"The fiend! Unbelievable!" Ben exclaimed. "She's got control over several future rulers of important realms! We can't let her get away with whatever she's planning!"

"Should we go after her now?" Kyu asked.

"Based on our last fight," Jinpee began, "We have about a seventy-eight percent chance of winning if we ambush them." He had not wanted to hurt the other girls, but he would still fight them for the sake of his teammates, who to him were closer than family.

"No," Ben said sternly. "I don't want to hurt the innocents who are with her. We need to strike when Bloom is alone, or when they find out about her true nature." The rest of the Patchamen nodded. What none of them realized was how absurdly long it would take for such an opportunity to arise.

* * *

**MUCH, MUCH LATER...****  
**

Sky was struggling to stand, to try and reason with Bloom. She had been under the control of Darkar, and had been summoning the ultimate power. If he could just say the words, he could save her, and they would triumph over evil.

"Sky?" Bloom's voice was filled with uncertainty.

"Please Bloom... I love y-" Sky was cut off when he was suddenly pulled away by someone he couldn't see. "What are you doing?!" He looked up and saw Bloom being tackled, losing hold of the ultimate power once more.

"No!" Darkar snapped. "Now who dares to stand against me?!"

"We are the Science Ninja Team, Patchaman!" Kyu yelled. "Our mission is to fight evil, wherever it may lurk!"

"Worry not, Prince Sky! We are here to save you and everyone from the evil Bloom!" Ben exclaimed.

"What?! No! You've got it all wrong!" Sky protested. "She's not evil! Okay, well, she is right now, but she's under a spell!"

"Who are these clowns?" Asked Musa.

"The Patchamen?!" Brandon said in surprise. Then he repeated it again mentally. _The Patchamen... God help us all._

"Now, we will destroy the evil once and for all! Science ninja technique, Patcha-Hurricane attack!" Ben yelled out. Ben and Junko held hands, as the other Patchamen formed a link. Ben held Junko, Bo held on to her legs, Jinpee held onto Bo's legs, and Kyu held on to Jinpee. Then, in a move of unbelievable lunacy, the Patchamen began to spin around, faster and faster, until they were a whirling dervish, a blur to all onlookers. A dangerous, impractical, blur.

The Patchamen were hit by one of Bloom's attacks, which set Kyu on fire. With him on fire, they continued to spin around, and they bumped into Darkar, spinning so fast that his body had been melted by the impact. The Winx and the Specialists looked on in complete shock as their mighty enemy fell over, defeated by complete accident by the Science Ninja team. Dark Bloom looked on in awe when she saw her master fall.

"I'm free!" Bloom exclaimed. "Free from that idiot Darkar!" Just then a shock wave passed over the entire universe, knocking every living creature over, giving each of them a slight headache momentarily. Evidently, something that was not supposed to happen, happened. Something just went horribly wrong.

"Bloom?!" Sky shook his head, fighting the headache. He sounded hopeful at first, but his face displayed horror when he noticed that Bloom was still in her Dark Bloom form. "I never finished what I had to tell you Bloom! I love y-" He was cut off when Bloom shot a fireball at him.

"Sorry, but that's not gonna work." Bloom cackled as she threw another fire ball at him. Ben could no longer hold on to the rest of his team as a result of the centrifugal force, and let go of them, sending them flying. Ben was wobbling around; they were all incredibly dizzy. Kyu had been burned all over.

"Did... we... win?" Ben asked, as he bumped into Sky. The prince was blocked from dodging out of the way of a fireball, and took the hit straight on. He screamed in agony before falling over, face landing hard on the ground. Ben had to stare down at Sky for a few seconds, and then back up at Bloom, before he realized what had happened. "Oh no! You'll pay for what you've done!" He clenched his fists.

Bloom merely laughed at him. "With the Shadow-Phoenix gone, I'll have to find something else to do," Bloom said, grinning menacingly at Sky's body. "Thanks for the help Patchadorks!" She turned to the portal and left.

"Uh oh," Ben said, feeling the furious glares of the remaining Specialists and Winx on him. Because of him, one of their friends was dead, and the other had become pure evil, full time. "Umm, I-Uh, I won't let you get away with your crimes Bloom! We must retreat to the God-Rooster!" With that, he and the rest of the Patchamen rushed out of the portal in pursuit.

"If Sky's dead... How are we gonna save Bloom?" Musa asked.

"I'm not dead." Sky said, his voice significantly muffled.

"I don't know," Brandon said mournfully, his voice cracking. "If only we could have saved him!" He was beginning to tear up over the loss of his best friend. On the plus side, he didn't have to be a whipping boy anymore.

"I'm not dead."

"I'm so sorry we couldn't save you Sky!" Flora sobbed.

"I'm not dead! How many times?!"

"We're gonna have to find a way to stop Bloom," Aisha said sternly. "It will be difficult without Sky, but we need to do it for him." She remembered the last time they had fought against an evil Bloom. It didn't go very well.

"I'M NOT DEAD!"

"Wait, there may be a possibility that Sky is not dead!" Tecna exclaimed.

"Oh thank the Dragon someone's listening."

"My palmtop tells me that his heart is still beating." Tecna added.

"And you know, I'm still talking!"

"Should we take Sky with us?" Helia asked. He hadn't wanted to leave the body of a teammate behind.

"He deserves a proper funeral," Stella said.

"How many times do I have to say I'm not dead?!"

"Hey did any of you hear that?" Musa asked.

"What was it?" Asked Riven.

"I dunno, maybe it was like a dog whistle or something." The sound fairy replied. Her ears would let her tune in to such a frequency.

"IT WAS ME!"

"Oh, it was Sky." Musa said.

The others in the dimension let out a collective "Ohh."

"Finally. Now can someone please help me stand up? My legs aren't working... Guys?" Little did Sky know, from his face-planted position, all of his friends had left as soon as they realized he was still alive. "Guys?"

What will happen to Magix? What will the Winx do? Will the Patchamen be able to foil the evil Bloom's plans for universal domination? Will the specialists get to do something for a change? Maybe.

* * *

**"Author's" Notes:  
**

Originally, it was going to take a bit longer for Bloom to become the legitimate villain in this fic, but I said screw it. Bloom's the true villain of this entire series anyway. You know it to be true.

Anyways, no longer being constrained by the actual content of season 2, chapters will likely be longer from here on out. Updates will still be irregular.


End file.
